The judge or self-destructive part in us
Depending on the religion or philosophy people believe in a god or whomever who is judging them including a corresponding punishment if they have not followed the rules. This is “nice” and in main a product of the ideas of the priests and not really a matter of reality.
Judgement, punishment and “sins” are a matter of belief. If you believe that you have committed a sin then you feel guilty and then you expect in some way a kind of judgement plus punishment to get back into your state of peace and balance. Either you judge and punish yourself by your bad conscience, attracting maybe bad situations or by getting judged and punished by your fellows. This is just a matter of your specific belief. But beyond this relative “system” there is a higher aspect of judgment and punishment. This aspect origins from the principle of unity and says that when you hurt someone else then you hurt indeed yourself and in the same way when you do something good for someone else then you do it for you as there is only one who shows himself in a diversity of creatures.
From this higher aspect you are your own judge and you are your own punisher and in fact you feel that it is right to judge and to punish yourself for the imbalances you have caused. It is indeed often quite ugly to examine such merciless processes of self-judgement and self-punishment as they are often very self-destructive, causing a lot of suffering. But it is no one else but you who is doing it.
It is not God, not a god, not a demon, not a higher judge or whomever. It is only you, the judge, the punisher in yourself who is making you suffer to balance the imbalance you have caused.
Imagine you are a merciless ruler in your country and you have killed many people. You have enjoyed it. But one day you have a kind of enlightenment, of insight that it was evil to do so. And so your inner judge decides to experience this brutal way of dying on yourself and you feel that it is right to suffer great pains and to be killed in a sadistic way. And you are grateful to make this experience of punishment to free yourself from your guilt.
It is very ugly but this is how it works in reality.
Here you can only try to work early enough on healing, on peace by using the power of love for yourself and your victims, your imbalances. You must forgive yourself. You must heal yourself, your victim and the situation. Then there is no need any more for self-punishment. Give yourself the chalice of forgiveness, of love and compassion and drink from it.
We need all forgiveness and salvation, compassion, love and healing. We have to show mercy for ourselves and we have to be kind to ourselves.
Love is the only way and the most powerful medicine.
May we all receive a deep healing from our sins!